Chapter 5: Life In leggings PART 1

After making a decision like that, I had to hear what Clint's opinion was on it. I must say my approach to the situation was wrong but without making excuses for myself, I was going through turmoil. Not having a proper support system to help guide you through particular circumstances can create a shit show. It also leaves room for person's not to respect you and that is exactly what Clint did. He sensed my support system was lacking and realised that no one in an authoritative position will hold him accountable so he split. Yes and by split I mean left, digs out, removed himself from the situation and at that point I had never felt so alone in my life. As I pondered to myself who is gonna be there for me now, it wasn't the shell of a mother I had so I guess I can try my father. As I undertook this task a sense  of security  sparked because although my father wasn't around I know he wouldn't allow his daughter to be shamed by no dutty crawsis bwoy (I would hope). I could have envision how the conversation would have gone:

Tinesha: Hi dad I have some news, (dramatic pause) I am pregnant

Dad: (obviously shocked) What? Really! For who? Who do I need to kill? What's his parents number? ( as I daydreamed I felt as though I could have sat upright, proud, supported cause I felt as though my dad would have definitely have my back)

Evidently this is a story of having all the odds stacked against you so there is no way that I actually had that type of support so in reality the conversation went something like this.

Tinesha: Hi dad I have some news for you, (dramatic pause) I am pregnant

Dad: Hmmm girl that's what you gone and do how your Mom take that? So this boy marrying you or what?

...

Welp! I tried. But it was my fault for not taking my life into my own hands instead of depending on people I truly didnt know. I still assumed I was someone's baby, to be protected, to be nurtured but I had a rude awakening. My brother told me I went about every thing the wrong way, I didn't think that I had to manipulate persons into being there for me. At this point all hope in me had died I thought I had a knight in shining armour on stand by but I had nothing I was back at square one. Except I was feeling a lot worse and more alone than ever.

Though by the grace of God I woke up everyday with an ounce of expectation; to hear from Clint, to hear from my Mom, to hear from my father but nothing. It was just me ad this remarkable seed inside of me and everyday i kept myself as positive as i could have. After a few months had passed the bishop seemed to grow interest in me. It made me feel uncomfortable but I mean my Mom wont have a man who is 'unclean' living in the same house with her daughter. I definitely was paranoid he would never be with my Mom and trying to make a moved on me. If only I listened to the voice in my head but even self where would I go. Meh!

The day that really sealed the fact that he was coming on to me was one early morning my mother was doing this television casting so she wasn't at home which was strange because he never passed up an opportunity to be the centre of attention or to be exposed to such publicity.

**** Disturbing content****

I am guessing he entered my room a few minutes after my mother informed him she had reached the broadcasting station. He came and woke me up stating that he needed assistance to find the station as he wasn't from the country the stations were foreign to him. Usually I would say call them and ask them what station it was on but i didn't. I really didn't want to incur any argument with my mother for being disrespectful so i just assisted him with what he asked. While i was leaving the room he asked me to sit and watch my mom and further went on to say that we don't support her so this is an opportunity to do so. Still drunk with sleep i sat down watching the broadcast and that is when he took his opportunity to take advantage of me. As his hand moved from my shoulder, I was in denial till the point he touched my breast. I shuddered, frozen, fountains of thoughts perplexed my mind... If I screamed will he hit me, if I ran an woke my brother up will he come after us, I am not strong enough to fight, God please don't let this man rape me... I am pregnant with a baby. His hand still moved across my body and my thoughts began to scream at me... GET UP! Run! No sit! I was most alarmed when his hand ventured between my legs every cell in my body braced for the worst then he kissed my neck placing all his body weight on top of me and i cried. Then the commentator stated how honoured the where to have my mom in studio and he stopped and i sighed of relief and quickly got up and left for my room where I cried myself back to sleep. I couldn't imagine what I would have felt if he had actually penetrated but i thank God up to this day he didn't.

As the days went by I started to sleep by my brother which was normal, I just told him I was afraid to be by myself or just fell asleep watching shows with him....

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2: Writing this part was very difficult took me a year to finally muster up the courage to share it... Thanks for you all continued  support